Happy Burnout
"You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice." — Bob Marley
photo by Aleka London
This journal entry is about mothering, being a wife, managing household responsibilities, and wrestling all at the same time. These past two weeks have been a lot. Abrams just turned one year old, and we celebrated his first birthday on Saturday.
One thing I’ve loved about being a mother is that it made me realize how much free time I actually had in the past. I think a lot of times when we're talking to friends, everyone uses the phrase, "I’m super busy. I've got to see if I have time." But when you have a kid, you notice how much time you actually used to have, and how you weren't really "busy" at all.
Because of that realization, I found one of the key disciplines to my success this wrestling season. When Abrams was tired, hungry, or sleeping, I’d get things done. I operated on a countdown clock—like, Okay, I have 45 minutes before he gets up. I need to do this, or this is the only time I have to get these things done. I had to execute, or it wouldn't happen at all. That was a strict discipline I didn't really have before. Yes, I knew I had to get workouts done and complete my tasks, but the big "but" is that I used to have so much time to procrastinate. I could put things aside to get them done when I wanted to, because there were no real repercussions in the way.
There’s a ton of entitlement there. Being a mom, your child and your responsibilities come first, and everything for yourself comes last. Honestly, it’s been liberating. It makes wrestling feel like so much more of an honor—something I get to do, rather than something I have to do. Motherhood has completely changed my perspective on what it means to be an athlete and what is truly important.
I couldn't be more grateful. My son pushes me to be a better person just by being a baby. He made me realize the freedom I used to have, and now I really have to work for it. I know what it truly means to be tired and to keep going. That’s how I know I still have a lot of grind left in me to go for that Olympic team and World medals. I can get three hours of sleep and still have the drive and power to say, I need to do this. But the biggest shift is my "why." It’s for my family. It’s to justify the time I’m taking away from Abrams by showing him what hard work is and how you fight for the things you want.
Last week, we talked to the girls about entitlement, and they didn't necessarily know what that meant. Yes, some of them work, do chores, and handle their responsibilities, but they still have the flexibility of their day and people to help solve their problems. There is nothing wrong with that; it just brought out another perspective. You don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore.
Recently, I experienced my first real burnout. I was sitting there and noticed that the burnout had nothing to do with negativity. I was just physically strained, yet I was really happy. Overall, being a mother is a tiring but incredibly rewarding title and position to be in.
And yes, I multitask everything else—housework, being a stay-at-home mom, and my career—but I think it has made me stronger as a person. I am just super grateful for the opportunity. I want to talk more about it, but I’m also a little guarded about putting that personal part of my life out there. I fear bearing heavy expectations to be perfect, or inadvertently making someone else feel like they're not doing enough. That's not why I do this. I want to find ways to share how I make this happen.
If I could give my top tips, they would be:
- Have a plan.
- If you don't have a plan, lean on your village.
- Wake up and choose to do the best you can every day.
Because there are days where I just have to put Abrams in his playpen and literally fall asleep in there while he plays with my face. Then, there are mornings where I wake up an hour before him to get some self-care and time to myself before my day is fully dedicated to him.
So, if you made it this far in this journal, thanks for reading. I didn't really have a big objective with this; it was more of a rant about how motherhood has been for me and the things I've noticed along the way